Creating a good father- daughter relationship

Many girls are close to their mothers and that is understandable, but very few are close to their fathers .

Father’s day is around the corner and this is the best time to s work on creating a healthy father-daughter relationship.

It’s important to have a healthy relationship with one’s dad especially if your dad is still alive. Men usually have a shorter life span and many regret not bonding with their dads later in life.

The father is one of the most influential people in a girl’s life. A girl’s relationship with her father shapes her self-image, self-confidence, and her opinion of men.

 According to Michael Austin the editor of Fatherhood- Philosophy for Everyone "How Dad approaches life will serve as an example for his daughter to build off of in her own life, even if she chooses a different view of the world,"

It's true that some fathers have not being involved in the lives of their daughters and this makes it difficult for many girls to relate with their fathers, but it is better to also put effort in helping to foster a healthy relationship since it is so important.

One must realise that it is never too late and if one has had a very bad relationship in the past the first step after identifying the problem is to forgive.

After forgiveness, the next step is to find out what actually went wrong and try to amend if possible. If you had contributed in any way to the broken relationship try to put effort to stop whatever it is you do that creates the problem.

Find out what your dad likes. Father’s day is a good day to start again, find out more about your dad and buy him his favourite thing, or just buy him a simple gift you can afford with a card showing you appreciate him.

Spend time with your father this period; ask questions about his favourite things- this would make him know you care.

Create time to hang out with your dad, dads give very good advice especially when it comes to relationships, remember they were once young men too, they know all the tricks and can warn their daughters about them and  teach them how to identify real men.

Take out time daily to pray for your dad and once in a while call your dad and find out how he is doing. Reaching out is not always easy but it is worth it in the end.

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/821928/the-importance-of-the-father-daughter-relationship

Knowing Your Worth As A Woman!

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like being someone else because you felt like being you just wasn’t good enough? At some point in every woman’s life there comes a time when you have to bank on your self-esteem to help your feelings of poor self-worth. For some women, self-esteem is shaped by beauty and even more commonly, the way we think men view us or respond to us. It’s not uncommon for women to define their worth by the level of interest from the opposite sex. Emotionally and physically, females of every specie have been known to seek the attention of males – it not only makes life more interesting but it is necessary for procreation and protection.

So if it is a given that most women need men to exist, how then does one define or establish your self-worth independent of a man’s attention? Although it’s never at the forefront of our minds, but the society constantly reminds us how important it is to have a man on your arm in order to feel complete. As soon as a girl is a certain age, she is required by the society to become a woman and to play the role of a woman. Marriage and the responsibilities that come with it become her main focus – without even knowing it, it becomes her reason for existing.

It’s great to be a woman and it’s even more amazing to feel needed or wanted. However, your worth as a woman should exceed desire or attraction from the opposite sex. One of the best ways to really establish your worth as a woman is to live for something bigger than you – it all starts with knowing who are, why you were created, understanding what your purpose is, identifying what your dreams are and creating goals which you can look forward to achieving.

This is never easy! Although, placing your worth in the reason for your existence ensures that you would hardly feel rejected. Change is the only constant thing in life, so what happens when the guy who used to tell you, you were beautiful starts to talk negatively about your features or ignore you? Automatically, you would feel like you’re not good enough. However, when you work hard at being a successful and purpose driven woman, you would be confident enough to know that any guy who wants to win your heart would have to step up because you deserve nothing but the best things in life!

What guys REALLY want!

“What do guys really want?” is one question or thought a lot of girls find it difficult to wrap their fingers around. The truth is that with varying experiences and changing times, it’s hard to tell what guys these days want when it comes to women. Several women have tried to create an image of what they think men want by looking to the media and subjecting themselves to a view that just may be one-sided. The shocking reality is that very few women actually know what guys really want.

The Girlfriends Team carried out a survey to find out what the criteria is for guys when it comes to choosing their ideal girl. Our survey also delved deeper into the common misconceptions girls have about guys. Here are the questions asked and the answers given by some of our respondents:

Questions

 1) How should your ideal woman/future wife be?

 2) What qualities do you think every woman should have?

 3) What are the common misconceptions that girls have?

Respondents

      SEUN

1)   My future wife should be God fearing, intelligent, ambitious, caring, motherly......

2) Smart and independent

3) They expect a Mr. Perfect

              EMEKA

1)   I would like my future wife to be simply responsible and content, be supportive and be ambitious.

2)   Important qualities in a woman: integrity, good track record, transparency

3)   It’s all about sex! - Guys actually look forward to more than sex these days and I'm sure it's been like that since the days of old as well.

              MUSA

        1&2) Pretty and have a wonderful character

3) It’s not all guys that say they love that you truly do.

            ADRIAN

     1&2) Honest, spiritual, understanding and a good sense of humour

    3) Every guy should be superman or rough around the edges. Every guy should have a lot of money

   JOHN
1&2) Every guy wants a good girl, a girl he can trust build a life with.
Some of us would like someone that we can talk to and pour out our insecurities to and she wouldn't start abusing us or something. We like very clean and neat women. Women that take care of themselves properly.

3) A misconception girls have is that we like crazy girls that are easy – Truth is we don’t like easy girls that almost everyone has done things with.

OBINNA

1&2) She must have the fear of God (I am not playing Church)
She must have proper home training. (You can't give what you don't have)
Decent in speech and dressing
A past I can accept. (Who am I to judge) still that's what I want.
She has to be beautiful enough for me. Attraction is important as well
Yes, before I forget, she must be content. I don't like materialistic women
and lastly, some goal or career, something she wants to achieve for the greater good and not just to proof a point

3) I'd say I think girls get it wrong when they dress indecently to attract guys. Sure they do attract guys, but the wrong kind of guys.
A guy can see you and think of you as a wife or see you and think of you as someone he just wants for the night just because of the way you're dressed.

Another misconception; all guys are not the same just like all lions are not the same, but you'd never dangle meat in front of any lion. Same goes for men. Even good men can do very stupid things. Doesn't mean they're now bad or they weren't good.

DEMI

1&2) Honest, pure, kind, disciplined, funny, caring, God fearing

    3) All guys cheat and act badly, all guys are dishonest, and girls believe guys want bad girls.

Being Your Own Woman This 2014!

Being an independent strong and smart woman is in vogue every man wants a woman who has a mind of her own.

It doesn't mean being proud or rude it just means you know what you want and what you don't, it means you are assertive and purpose-driven.

Here are some steps to being a strong independent lady this 2014

-    Don't compare yourself to other women

Never compare yourself to any one- ''she has nicer legs than me, but i have a better shape'' either to flatter yourself or to make yourself feel bad. Your self-esteem and happiness should not depend on other people.

It's okay to have female role models but never let them make you feel insecure or inadequate. Find a strong female role model that inspires you.

Try not to compare yourself to celebrities, remember they are made to look perfect in magazines and on screen.

Always look your best and love being YOU.

-     Don't base your happiness on being in a relationship

Learn to love yourself before loving someone else.

No matter how bad you may think you need a relationship you need to wait for the right person. Someone who deserves you and would treat you like a princess that you are.

Ladies in relationships should examine their relationships from time to time and make the necessary decisions.

If you are in a relationship remember you have other aspects of your life to attend to (family, work, school) and attend to them.

-      Don't feel obliged to follow fashion trends

Use fashion to express your moods, style and creativity. Don’t just follow the crowd!

Make your clothes work for you, wear clothes that suit your body shape and size.

-       Protect your sexuality

At a point in every woman's life she encounters a man who wants to take advantage of her sexuality. It is important to say 'NO' to a man who is making unwelcome advances at you.

If a man forces himself one you need to let someone know about it so that necessary actions can be taken. If a man gets away with it he is likely to do it again.

Report sexual harassment at school or work.

-     Stay educated

Education gives you skills and knowledge not just for finding a career but it should reflect in your attitude to life and in the way you relate to people.

Being educated doesn't just involve formal education but keeping up with politics, science and technology and also reading widely. You should know a bit of everything.

Try answering this -

Is the sun a star? Yes/no

-        Stand up for yourself

Every woman has to learn to be assertive! It is totally different from being aggressive, you should be able to say 'NO' and stand your grounds.

If someone makes a sexist or inappropriate remark you should be able to let the person know he or she is wrong.

Let people know when they have wronged you say it politely and trash out issues rather than gossiping or keeping grudges.

-       Take care of your body

Your personal strength can be seen physically, mentally and psychologically.

You have to take care of your body.

Exercise for at least an hour every day, go for a walk, jog, or ride a bike.

Staying in shape improves your overall health, mood and energy level, which will improve overall performance.

Your diet should consist of fruits, vegetables, lean, proteins, whole grains, and some dairy.

Stay away from excess sugar.

-       Manage your finances

To be truly independent you need to pay for your own lifestyle so you don't have to depend on other people.

Spend your money wisely.

Keep track of your financial records to be able to spot any inconsistencies.

Prioritize your spending - your priorities should be food shelter and clothing and other things like vacations, concerts and expensive clothing are luxuries.

Learn to differentiate between necessities and luxuries.

-        Give to others

You don't have to be affluent to make a positive impact in your community.

Start small, you can volunteer at an NGO, for example- a soup kitchen or any other NGO that promotes ideas you are passionate about.

Practice acts of kindness -example: you see people in your neighbourhood with no shoes give them your old shoes that are still in shape, give beggars money, help people you come across.

Helping someone carry some boxes can brighten his/her day.

Source: how to be a strong independent woman-wiki how

Wearing Colours That Suit Your Skin

As we know, it's summer! There are so many clothes in so many colours a girl can’t stop shopping, but before you hurry off on your shopping spree always have an idea what exactly you want to buy and what colours suit you.

It’s important to know what colours make your skin tone pop but to make the right choice we need to know what skin tone we have.

Skin tones are normally grouped like seasons: cool – winter/spring or warm - summer/autumn.

To find out your skin tone check underneath your arms, if the veins running down your forearm appear bluish you are in the ‘cool’ complexion category and if the veins at your forearm appear greenish then you fall under the ‘warm’ complexion category.

If you fall under the cool skin tone category it means you're pale or dark skinned with blue or pink under tones. So you should stick to bright colours that show off these undertones. Colours like pink, blue, and yellow work for you.

For those who fall under the warm skin tone category, your skin type has undertones of gold and yellow. So dark colours like black and colours with earthly undertones such as brown, red and orange suit you. Avoid bright colours and think of autumn related colours.

Grouping skin tones into seasons is a bit complicated, so we will also group them into fair/pale skin, olive/medium skin and dark skin.

Fair /Pale Skin

Most ladies with fair/pale skin are always conscious of not looking too pale - to look bright and healthy dark colours do the trick. They create a contrast to your skin; stick to colours like navy blue, emerald green, and primary colours. You can wear a bold bright colour like pink but pick a shade that flatters your skin tone.

When you wear black integrate it with a bright colour like red to highlight your rosy undertones. If your rosy undertone is so red that makes it seem like you are constantly blushing, tone it down with a cool colour like primary blue.

Avoid colours with earthly undertones like beige, orange, cream, terracotta and tan they can make you look washed out.

Avoid pastels but if you want a more subtle look than the bright primaries, go with teal or turquoise.

Olive/Medium Skin

If you have a tanned skin it means you have yellow and green undertones. People with olive skin tones have to avoid wearing green and yellow because they bring out your undertones and you will look almost like a Simpson!.

Go for colours like beige, cream, light blue, black and grey. By wearing earthly tones like beige and perhaps sands you bring out your olive tone, but in order not to overdo it, mix with key monotone pieces. Combine black bottoms with lighter tops to create a great mix of contrast and compliment your skin tone.

Dark Skin

For people with dark skin all colours suit them. However make sure you avoid white or black or too light or too dark colours, you can wear white or black but mix with other colours. Keep it bright, fresh and bold, avoid brown and navy’s and stick with pastels to complement blue and pink undertones.

If you find these complicated or you still don’t know where you fall, simply experiment - place colours beside your skin tone and see if it gives you a healthy glow, you can also take a picture with you wearing the colour, the camera will adjust the colours and make you look great or terrible in the colour, so from the picture you can see if it makes you look good.

Have fun with colours this summer!

Don't want to live a 'doughnut life' by Elizabeth O.

Today I'm so inspired and just so thankful - for life, my family and most of all my salvation; that to me is the greatest gift I could ever have. I love God so much and I want to serve Him till the day I die. My life doesn't mean anything without God! I wonder how people survive - getting up everyday and living life not knowing the beauty in the death and resurrection of my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ; it's really sad to see that a lot of people don't embrace this.

God is more than a figure of authority in my life, He's a friend, a helper, a comforter and my EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING. My life has no essence without God in it. Sometimes, when I don't read my bible and think about God I feel empty and not just that, but also guilt and loneliness overpower me till I meditate on His word and then suddenly I become stronger.

                         

I'm not the perfect Christian, I don't think there's such a thing as a perfect Christian; the beauty of God is that he loves you irrespective of who you are and what you've done. God is not like those parents who pat you on the back for doing good on Monday and slap you on the face for doing something wrong on Friday. With Him it's always words of encouragement and wisdom - that's what you get by spending time in His presence. He gives you an opportunity to grow, and the best part? He's patient with you! God allows you to crawl, walk and then run. He waits for you, smiling and rejoicing as you reach each milestone. 

I really just needed to share the beauty of God with you. I know what being lonely and miserable is like, trust me almost everyone has felt that at some point in their lives. One thing I'm sure of is that if you open up yourself to God, He will NEVER reject you. It's okay to find solace in friendships and relationships with family but the truth is that there's NO love like God's love. It is and has always been the GREATEST love!

"If life without Jesus is like a doughnut in the middle of your heart, then I don't want to live a doughnut life!" ;) xx

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xxx

Beauty Secrets from BeYOUtiful.

 1. True picture behind picture perfect

Many girls wish they looked like celebrities on TV but the reality is that even those celebrities don’t look like that, a lot of make-up, lighting, editing come together to  create the faces we see on TV and Magazines. TV isn’t real. The writer of BeYoutiful-an ex-beauty pageant winner- writes out a list of all she was expected to do to look good; just to appear in a magazine, even if she wasn’t the cover girl!

     2.   Let your inner beauty shine from inside out

Every girl should know she is made up of her body, mind, choices, character, and values.

No matter what happens in life always remember that treating your body badly affects how you see yourself, it affects your mind set. Also your bad character affects your choices, but nothing can change your value. We are always like diamonds no matter what we have gone through or what we have experienced. If a diamond is being trampled on and thrown into the waste bin, it will always remain a diamond. So no matter what we have been through we just need to dust ourselves up to shine!. We are always priceless and should never feel or think less of ourselves.

Also remember that when you appreciate the beauty in others your beauty comes out!

     3.   Give yourself a confidence make-over with your ABC.

Always Be Confident! Think, feel then act confident even when you do not think so, act confident and you will begin to feel and think confidently!

     4.   Model a fashionable sense of self respect!

 Dress how you will like to be addressed. When you are confident about yourself you do not need to over dress. Some outfits either say ‘just an object’, ‘respect me’ or ‘I am beautiful’. Always keep the three B’s to yourself, keep your Victoria’s secret secret!

      5.   Accessorize your self esteem

 Get high heels to crush haters, or shades to block them off, something you feel good in!

      6.   Apply your ‘true- to- you foundation’

 Do not ever change for anyone except your changing to be better!

      7.   Remember that real models are role models!

 Do you really want to be looked up to, or looked at? It is always better to make a positive impact in your environment!

Source: BeYOUtiful, Julie Marie Carrier

I'm That Girl - That Girl That Got Pregnant

We came across an amazing real life story on a blog called Focus, and we knew we had to share it with you. Enjoy and be inspired!

So…I’m pregnant. I’m 21, single, a senior in college, and yes, I’m that girl. It happened on my 21^st birthday. Most people get to enjoy a few too many drinks, and possibly a bad headache the next day for their 21^st birthday. My experience was a little different. I was that girl that got way too drunk, that girl that was insecure, that girl that had a random hookup, that girl that couldn’t say no, that girl that got pregnant.

It should be understood that one drunken hook-up did not change my life. The devil had been working through the details for years leading up to this. He had been working the day I had my first illegal drink of alcohol. He was there when I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew. He was there when I lost all self-respect and repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously. He was there when I searched for guy after guy for security. The devil was there the day after all those miserable hookups, feeding the thoughts of unworthiness and self-hate into my head. The devil was working the whole time. It’s no surprise that on my 21^st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy. It was no surprise at all; in fact the devil had this in the works for many years.

Fortunately, God was working this whole time too.

The day I saw those two lines indicating a positive result, my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living every young girl’s worst nightmare.  I was pregnant. At the time I found out I was pregnant, I was single, alone, and afraid. I literally felt I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear and I never told a single soul I was pregnant and scheduled an abortion even though I knew to my very core it was wrong. The devil works when we are alone, and that’s exactly what I was - alone. Inside I was desperately screaming “Who could possibly love me?” There was no way I could tell anyone.I was afraid. I was afraid no one would love me if they knew that I had gotten pregnant. Being raised Catholic all of my life I was well versed in Church teaching on abortion. I knew that every aspect of it was wrong; it was emotionally, scientifically, theologically, spiritually, and fundamentally wrong – yet I was still going to do it.

However, God loved me too much to let me off the hook. The days leading up to my abortion, I would attend mass. I would sit in the very back, by myself, head down the entire time. I would shamefully watch other people receive the Eucharist as I sat there, unworthy of it. The weekend right before my scheduled abortion God pierced my soul with His unconditional, perfect love. It was as if all the readings and the homily were directed specifically at me. That day at mass I learned about God’s infinite mercy and forgiveness. I had obviously known intellectually about forgiveness and mercy, but that day was different. That day, God gave me the grace to feel His presence and his mercy and forgiveness in my heart. For the first time I knew with every ounce of my being that God DID love me as much as he loved the little life inside of me. For the first time in over a month of depression and turmoil and shame, I felt loved – in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that God gifted me not only with my life, but also entrusted to me the life growing inside me. In that moment I felt overwhelming peace and the courage to offer my life back to God as a gift and do His will, no matter how scared I was. By the grace of God alone, I cancelled my abortion.

That day changed me forever. I know His love is real; He has confirmed it to me time and time again.  God confirmed His love for me when I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant; my parents never condemned me, but instead embraced me and loved me and supported me.  God confirmed His love for me when I finally went to confession and the priest praised me for my choice of life and gave me the grace to forgive myself.  God confirmed His love for me when I told my friends and they not once judged me, but loved me and affirmed me of my worth.  God confirmed His love for me when my doctor never questioned my age or why I didn’t have a husband and instead rejoiced in the development of the baby inside me.  God confirmed His love for me every day at mass when I witness His sacrifice for me, so that I, a broken girl, could be forgiven and come to know Him. 

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl.  Any day I will get to hold this beautiful gift of life.  I am proud to say that I have given my life back to God as a witness to life as I am one of the few, if not only pregnant girl attending a secular university.  I also have a new found passion for helping the broken women found in an unplanned pregnancy as a volunteer advisor at our local Pregnancy Resource Center.  Finally, I share my story with anyone and everyone, with just the small hope that another broken person can feel loved and know his/her life is truly a gift and that they are valued as a child of God.  Life truly is a precious gift, and I’m so blessed that God gave me the grace to understand that, even in the midst of brokenness.

Source: http://www.focus.org/blog/posts/im-that-girl-that-got-pregnant.html