Decisions... "What would you do?" series (story1)

I could feel my heart racing from anxiety. My labour was yet to begin and already I was drenched in sweat. I wanted to yell at all the nurses and doctors in the maternity ward; but I knew I had no one but myself to blame for the pain I was feeling.  I clenched my fist as I thought about him, the way he had been so persuasive. Then I remember how I had willingly obliged.

Suddenly, the pain returned but this time it was more intense; unimaginable was the word. I squealed and immediately the doctors and nurses barged into my room. Then next thing I saw was one of the doctors holding what looked like a butcher’s knife “Was he about to cut me open?”  I thought, and immediately I screamed for help.

I woke up to an empty room, without any doctors or nurses; I was in my bedroom- “It was just a dream”, I assured myself. It seemed so real and I couldn’t help but make sure it wasn’t.  I got up hurriedly and turned on the lights. I walked to the mirror and examined my stomach, “no cuts or scars, it was definitely a nightmare!”

Relieved, I turned off the lights and coiled back into bed. It was at that moment that it hit me, “I can’t keep this a secret any longer, my baby bump would start to show soon enough, and everyone would know, my life would be over! My parents would be furious; my friends would all laugh at me, and school! I would have to quit school.  I wish I could stop it from growing. I can stop it from growing! Lots of people do it; it’s not wrong, is it? It should be a choice, my choice!

But they say it’s murder, what kind of person kills her own child? I can’t do that to my baby, although it’s not a baby... it’s just a foetus. I’m really confused and scared, what should I do?”          

What should she do? We would like to know what you would do if you were in this situation. Please leave a comment- Thank you! 

A Crushed Crush!

16^th of April 2012

Dear Diary,

I know we haven’t talked for a while but let me tell you what has been happening so far.

I like Marcus, yes I do, in fact I love him! But the thing is Cindy does too, and Marcus likes Daniella, Cindy and I are best friends and Cindy’s brother likes me a lot. You see this is the love square I find myself in; I don’t know what to do or how to handle it.

I spend my whole time thinking of Marcus - he is too handsome for his own good, tall, curly hair, amazing set of teeth, sapphire eyes…I can go on all day replaying the last conversation we had. We say ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ but I notice the extras, like the smile or if he waves ‘hello’ or just says it. And sometimes he winks! I feel there is a connection!

The other day he sat beside me in the auditorium, he could have sat beside anyone else but he chose me; it was the best day of my life! We talked and talked then he left, even if he didn’t ask for my number or ask me out for dinner or a movie I felt he was just being a gentle man and taking his time.

As for Cindy, she is just annoying, she keeps going on and on about him and I don’t know how to tell her I love him, she talks and talks and all I can say is ‘yes’, ‘okay’ I try not to sound interested but within I am burning and I just pray that someday I won’t burst out.

I hear about Daniella but I do not take gossip serious, it’s all ‘hear- say’ so I still believe there is hope and by the way Cindy told me Daniella likes her brother! So I know someday Marcus will find out and come running to me!

And Cindy’s brother is my brother so no way!

18^th of April 2012

Dear Diary,

Today is the day I am crushing the crush, I just have to, for my friend Cindy and for myself.

Today Cindy saw the drawing I made of Me, Marcus and our kids, she was so angry with me, she felt betrayed and she said she would never speak to me. She is such a good friend and I can’t let a boy end our friendship, I used to tell her to forget about Marcus because I thought it didn’t makes sense for her to be so infatuated about someone who all he said to her was ‘hi’ and now looking at the mirror I see myself being her! And doing what she was doing, she will never take my advice because now she thinks I was just saying that because I wanted Marcus for myself. I guess hearing someone who is infatuated speak is really annoying and the difference is I never said it to anyone so I never knew how annoying it would have been if I did. Now writing my whole experience and reading it made me realise how I wasted my time on someone who does not care about me half as much as I cared about him.

It was a crush because there was no meaning to it; I just built the relationship and married us in my head! I really took it too far, now I am ending the relationship, and crushing the crush.